It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
