she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
