Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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