I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
