Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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