I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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