i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
