i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
