And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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