Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
