I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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