I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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