Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize