And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to calm my uterus...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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