I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
