btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize