CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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