Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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