then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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