i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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