Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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