I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
whose parrot is this?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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