wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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