it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got inside last night via doggy door
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
