Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
