Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
