I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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