she was so not down for the gang bang
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You pole danced in your parka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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