I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
