Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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