I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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