Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
