Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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