I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
