i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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