Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
COCAINE IS GR8
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