You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.