No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC