he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"