Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
