it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
