remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.