508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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