but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
