My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
