This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
