Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you never un-have a 4some
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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