Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
