it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
