Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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