If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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