Cold hands, warm shart.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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