and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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