tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
