I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
