my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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