So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
