I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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