AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
