smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
