We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
