apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
