I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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