he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
