You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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