Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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