I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
