I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
