haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
