dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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