I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
