and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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