i was born a porn star she said
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
