I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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