You just made me feel so damn special
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
