Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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