You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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