this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
