we have officially lost it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
