fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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