tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
