I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
do nipples grow back?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
